Season 4: The New Team Cometh
by Sinister Scribe
Summary: Umm...basically what it sounds like. My idea of House's new team and Cuddy's welcoming speech for them. Rated for language at the mo. Decided it's done.


**Okay, um…this is a plot bunny that hopped into my head and freaking beat me with it's lucky foot until I agreed to write it down. **

**I don't know if this is a one off or if I may actually expand it into an actual series of…stuff. If a plot hops along then I'll add, if not, it remains as is. **

**Just my idea of how Cuddy may greet the team. I might do how House greets them as well…but I may not. **

**I'm funny that way. **

**It all depends on the muse.**

**Lemme know what ya think. **

**Chapter 1: Introduction to Diagnostics**

Cuddy shoved open the doors to the Diagnostic Department briefing room and heaved out a sigh of barely contained frustration. She swept a hand over the expensive pencil skirt of her charcoal grey suit to swipe away imaginary wrinkles and then looked up to find herself looking at the most…diverse team yet.

Two men and a woman sat around the glass table. The woman was…Cuddy supposed impressive was the best word to describe her. A Doctor Thema Fontaine, born in Kenya having moved here when she was three. Tall with dark, dark skin so deep a shade that shadows hung purple around her high cheeked and full lipped face. Wide thickly lashed whisky gold eyes lifted slowly from the fashion magazine she wore and she sat forward, swinging her Jimmy Choo heeled feet down to the floor in a graceful movement. She seemed to have legs that went forever encased in crimson leather jeans, a tailored high collared white shirt off set her coffee hued skin. A matching red leather jacket was slung over the back of the metal chair on which she sat. She had a double specialty in Immunology and Haematology.

Dr Sascha Kalashnikov was next, Cuddy remembered him fondly from his interview. She was, again, thrown by how stunningly beautiful the man was. He sat in a brightly (and bravely) patterned open necked shirt tailored to his lean frame, a stone grey silk waistcoat over that emphasised how lean and graceful his arms were, white slacks to show off his long legs and dove grey loafers covering delicate feet. His effeminately handsome face was framed by the feathery cut of his jaw length hair that ranged in pastel hues from gold, pink, red and orange right through to the palest blonde. He had a specialty in neurology, was exceedingly charming and camper than a row of pink sequined tents. There was a smile behind his faded dollar bill green eyes and Cuddy nodded back to him. Sascha was the only one that she had actually interviewed. Wilson had taken Thema and their last member of the team.

Doctor Kashahnn Hallahdd, sat straight backed and rigid in his chair. One foot propped on the opposite knee to show off his expensive Italian shoes. His ebony Armani suit was cut so sharp Cuddy could have sliced her fingers on it, the white shirt was crisp and probably starched to within an inch of its life, the black satin tie had been knotted right up to his throat so high Cuddy wondered if she might have to loosen it before he choked. His features were sharp and hawkish, his skin the deep amber of India and his sleek black hair (impeccably groomed) was only allowed a slight tumble down over his forehead…which he probably thought added to the charm of him. A British ex-patriot his specialty was Endocrinology and he was a passing surgeon if the grapevine was to be believed. Coal black eyes eventually lifted from his perusal of the New York Times to arch a brow back at Cuddy. She hadn't realised that she had been half glaring at him until that moment.

She wiped the expression from her face with the smooth grace that only a Dean of Medicine can.

She smiled at each of them in turn.

"I take it you've been using this opportunity to introduce yourselves to each other?" She said with perhaps a trifle too much force in it. She'd barely been in the hospital an hour and already she'd had to put out several fires, placate three donors and push back her headache about House's 'situation' with aspirin like there was no tomorrow.

The man was going to be the end of her. She was convinced.

They all nodded. Sascha with the most open smile on his face. The man really did like everybody. Cuddy noted that Thema and Kashahnn pointedly did not look at one another. She knew they had both gone to the same medical school at the same year but she'd had little time to speculate with only having glanced at their files before dashing up here to give her 'your ass is House's and mine by association' speech. More commonly known as the 'Welcome to Diagnostics' speech.

This was the third time in as many weeks that she'd had to give such a schpeel and, to be perfectly honest, it was beginning to grate a little more than usual. House had had two teams before now, having thrown away the last two sets of young residents, Cuddy had forbid him from picking anyone else and taken over the job herself…then shamelessly delegated to Wilson. Cuddy had left strict instructions with Wilson to pick the older applicants, doctors that had been around long enough to be confidant in their medical ability and, hopefully, better at standing up to House than those just out of their residency. Also, she might have hinted that she prefer it if the new team had a bit of a mean streak to them.

If nothing else, a fellow bastard might last two weeks with House rather than one.

She smoothed a hand through her hair and forced another smile.

"Okay, good for you on finding the right department, you're already doing better than the last team." She said dryly and Thema gave a frowning smile like she wasn't quite sure if Cuddy was joking or not.

Cuddy waved her arm expansively. Best to just get this over with.

"Right, welcome to Diagnostics in Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital. If you didn't already know, I'm Dr Cuddy, the Dean of Medicine. Which means that not only does Dr House own your collective asses, but I do too." Blinks of surprise, straightening in seats. She had tried gentle with the last two teams and had gotten nothing but mewls for mommy as soon as House got a hold of them. They were big kids now and they had to deal with him themselves. She dealt with the misanthrope enough as it was.

"I don't know what you've heard or what made you apply for this job but this is the best Diagnostics department in the country. We have the best survival rate for seen patients…anywhere. You, however, are here because no one else will take the job." This was a lie but she needed them on the defensive. "I'm not lying to you and I'm sure as hell not going to mother you. Dr House is quite possibly the meanest most exasperating son-of-a-gun in the game. He will torment you, he will insult you…" Here she looked at Sascha. "You especially and he will take great pleasure in generally making your lives miserable." She said this with a tight smile that left them in no doubt that she was not toying with them on this one. She heaved in a breath. "He will also teach you more about Diagnostic medicine and thinking outside the box than you could ever hope to learn anywhere else." She waved a hand dismissively and said airily to the ceiling. "The man lives outside the box."

She stalked over to the table and dumped the armload of files she had been carrying with a crash. They all jumped at the impact and stared at the folders fanning over the glass topped table.

"I don't expect you to appreciate him, I don't expect you to like him and I certainly don't expect you to enjoy working here but, please, for the love of all that is holy in this world," here she leant forward planting her hands on the table and eyeing each of them in turn. "Last out the month because I'm sick of this speech and I'm running out of doctors to throw at the man."

She straightened and gestured to the files. "I suggest you pick the most ambiguous case you can find. Don't even bother looking at who the patients are. He doesn't care. Just find a case and keep him occupied."

She spun on her heel and marched to the door. She reached it and then paused as if something had occurred to her. turning back slowly she waited until they all realised that this pose meant 'mommy's speaking now' and spoke in a sweetened tone that she had practiced to chilling perfection.

"Oh, do yourselves a favour; don't write on the white board. He'll probably bludgeon you to death with his cane if you do." She smirked at them and then stalked out of the office. Listening to her heels echo back and forth in the hallway.

Damn, move over Stephen King, Cuddy was the new horror.

Silence reigned in the briefing room for a full minute before Sascha turned to his fellows and smiled brightly.

"So…who thinks they're sleeping together?"


End file.
